Finding the Light — My First Scratchboard
《寻光》——我的第一幅刮画
July 2023
5 × 7 in. scratchboard, presented in an 8 × 10 in. custom frame
“Finding the Light” feels especially fitting because the tiger is not simply an animal portrait. Looking back, it became a portrait of you at that moment in your life—uncertain and vulnerable, yet beginning to uncover light from darkness.
Artwork Story
After years of struggling with mental health and financial difficulties, I decided in July 2023 that I wanted to give myself something for my birthday—not something expensive, but an experience that might bring a little joy back into my life. I paid for my first scratchboard workshop, taught by Cathy Sheeter.
At the time, I had no idea what scratchboard even was.
I was supposed to bring a 5 × 7 scratchboard to class. Instead, not knowing the difference, I arrived with a 5 × 7 canvas panel. I was embarrassed when I realized my mistake, but thankfully Cathy had extra materials available for purchase. That small moment allowed me to stay, learn, and begin something that would eventually become deeply important to me.
There was another coincidence that made the workshop feel strangely personal: my Chinese zodiac sign is the Tiger, and the reference image for the class was a tiger’s face.
As I began highlighting the tiger, I was amazed by how many tiny details existed in just one face—the direction of every hair, the changing patterns of the stripes, the eyes, whiskers, shadows and subtle shifts of light. It made me realize something beyond art: when we do not pay close attention, we may never discover how much there is that we simply have not learned to see.
Then something even more meaningful happened.
Scratchboard begins in darkness. Each mark removes a little black surface and reveals the light underneath. As I scratched line after line, I began to feel that the process resembled my own life. Bit by bit, light was entering. The darkness was not disappearing all at once, but every small mark revealed something that had been hidden beneath it. Slowly, the darkness was becoming art.
For the first time in a long while, creating brought joy into a life in which I had felt lost.
When I added the leaves in front of the tiger, I imagined them almost as protection. At that time, part of me wanted somewhere to hide—something or someone that could support me, soften the pain, and give me enough shelter to recover.
When I finished the piece, however, I felt disappointed. My tiger did not seem powerful. It did not possess the confidence and authority I expected from the “king of the mountains.” Its expression seemed uncertain, almost as though it did not know how to smile. It appeared to be searching for light and guidance while still not knowing where to go.
Years later, I understand the tiger differently.
Perhaps I wasn’t really drawing the tiger I wanted to become. I was drawing the person I was at that moment.
The tiger had survived. It was still looking forward. It was still searching for light. And although it did not yet possess confidence, it had already begun the journey out of darkness.
This piece still hangs in my home today. It is imperfect, vulnerable, and deeply personal. It was my first scratchboard, but more importantly, it marked the beginning of finding my way back to art, joy, and myself.
If Finding the Light is ever sold someday, I will probably be surprised and appreciative—and perhaps a little sad to see it leave. Because this tiger is more than my first scratchboard. It is where the darkness first began to turn into light. If it ever finds its owner, I wish this tiger brings hope into their life.
